Thursday, July 9, 2009

Top 50 Annoying Things at Mass

A couple weeks ago on my favorite radio show, The Catholic Guy Show" on Sirius 159/XM 117, they did a segment titled "Things that annoy you at mass." Interestingly enough, it was a listener's suggestion and it went so well that it lasted the rest of the show. Lino Rulli, the host, even continued it the next day. I thought it was hilarious so I wrote them down and am presenting them here for you.
A little disclaimer--not all of these bug me personally. They were just on the show. Also, I didn't included every one and I added a couple--just to round it out to 50.

So here it is--Fifty things that annoy you at mass.
  1. The second collection--especially when no reason is given. Did they not meet their quota?
  2. When parents don't take their upset baby to the cry room
  3. When people in the choir are whispering amongst themselves
  4. The "Super Catholic"--the one who stands, kneels, or sits before everyone else. The one that is the first to do everything.
  5. That snotty nosed little kid who is sitting a few rows in front of you and is turned around just staring at you.
  6. The people who do a mini-genuflection, or a curtsy move instead of kneeling down or when it looks like they are swatting flies when they make the sign of the cross because they are doing it so fast
  7. The person with their checkbook out during the homily.
  8. When someone's cell phones go off and they ignore it so people won't know it's theirs.
  9. When a cell phone rings and the person just silences the ringer so either the phone rings again a couple minutes later or the alert goes off because the caller left a voicemail
  10. When people give you a dirty look when your kids are misbehaving, there-by making the kid act worse
  11. When you go to communion and return to your pew to discover that the people who were sitting in front of you are now gone and now you can't figure out exactly where you were sitting
  12. When the homilist has no command of the English language and you can't understand a word he is saying
  13. People who wear clothes with holes in them (and they can afford good clothes) or inappropriate clothing--jerseys, shorts, flip flops . . .
  14. When the choir sings the same song week after week or the same version of the Gloria season after season
  15. The guy who is sneezing and coughing throughout mass and then extends his hand to shake yours during the sign of peace. DUDE! Are you kidding me?
  16. When the priest mumbles and speaks in a monotone voice so you can't hear him
  17. When the congregation speak in a low, monotone voice and with no sincerity or excitement. You can't get excited for the Holy, Holy, Holy?? The song the angels are singing perpetually?? Seriously?
  18. Cantors who can't carry a tune
  19. When the organist goes freelance and starts playing what he wants
  20. Cantors who CAN sing and start showing off
  21. Holding hands during the Our Father
  22. When the sick list during the Prayers of the Faithful keeps growing and growing and growing
  23. When the parish doesn't follow the GIRM and just kneels or stands when they want
  24. When what the lector is reading is different than whats in the misselette
  25. When the person next to you bathed in perfume or cologne
  26. The late comers who pass by the open seats in the back and climb over you to get to an open seat
  27. When the priest says the creed so fast you can't keep up
  28. The people who say the creed at their own pace so they are either a few words ahead or a few words behind everyone else
  29. When the priest changes the words in the prayer in an attempt to make it gender neutral or politically correct. Read the prayer that's in the book!
  30. People who aren't participating and just sitting there instead of singing, reciting the Creed or saying the Our Father
  31. When you are visiting a parish and you get singled out by the priest welcoming you in front of everyone
  32. When there is an unexpected "guest speaker" at the end of mass and you are ready to leave
  33. When you are kneeling in prayer and the person in front of you sits down and leans all the way back
  34. When you are holding hands during the Our Father and the lady behind you wants to hold your hand causing you to be bent around like a pretzel
  35. Applause
  36. When people slam the kneelers either up or down so it sounds like you are in a bowling alley
  37. The person who gives you the skunk eye when you don't present yourself for communion for whatever reason
  38. When the priest asks everyone to introduce themselves to those around you or welcome each other at the beginning of mass
  39. People who come extremely late
  40. People who leave right after communion (this would be my number one annoying thing)
  41. Kids crawling under the pews, over the pews or down the aisle or banging their toys into the pew
  42. The pew blocker: the guy who sits at the end of the pew and won't slide in making you climb over him (I'm guilty!)
  43. People praying the rosary during mass.
  44. When the priest forgets to turn on the microphone so you can't hear a word he's saying
  45. When the priest forgets to turn OFF the microphone and you have to listen to him sing or say "Body of Christ" 200 times during communion
  46. Horrible sound systems that sound like a parent from Peanuts
  47. Hoot-N-Anny music--"contemporary" Peter, Paul, and Mary music from the 60's
  48. People who are fading away during mass--especially cantors or alter servers who are sitting in front of everyone.
  49. Songs with notes either too high or too low for 90% of the congregation
  50. When, during Father's Day, Mother's Day or other special events certain people are asked to stand and the rest of us are asked to "raise our arms in blessing" making the congregation look like some Nazi Rally

Does anyone have anything else?? Something you thing belongs on the list or doesn't belong on the list??

5 comments:

  1. How about:
    -When people stand too close to the confessional during reconciliation so they can hear what you're saying.
    -People stepping on your heels on the the way up to communion.
    -When parents give their kids noisy snacks to chomp on and let them play with loud toys.
    -Girls dressed in clothes that are better suited to wear out to the bars.
    -When Mass already started and the usher walks down the middle of the aisle to point out open seats and drawing attention to you when you just wanted to sneak in.
    -Using crumbly bread for communion so you have pieces of the host in your hands.

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  2. LOVE THIS LIST!!! hehe My husband and I especially can't stand #21, #34 and #38 (which always happen at the same mass). My biggest pet peeve is when people avoid eye contact during sign of peace. You are shaking their limp hands, but they aren't even paying attention to whom they are shaking hands with!

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  3. This list is pathetic.

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  4. Just one thing that's REALLY wrong on this list: #43 - People praying the Rosary during the Mass. That's not wrong, actually, the Pope Saint Pius X says it is good, and there is no problem with it, as long as you try to not loose the focus on the Mass. I'm Brazilian, and that's very common on my country, traditionally catholic.

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  5. Great list. The Nazi Rally made me laugh so hard. #catholicprobz

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